Healing Girl Era

If you haven’t read my last post on my Kundalini awakening…I encourage you to now. CHAPTER 1: The Threshold Into the Healing Girl Era I finally found my first embodiment mentor when I was 24, living in Boston, at a psychedelic storytelling event. This chance meeting is what took me from my experimental psychonaut era into my TRUE healing girl era. I heard her speak about healing sexual trauma through Ayahuasca. As she spoke, my entire body lit up. I had chills. She radiated a presence. Something in me knew that she was meant to support me. I didn’t know what she did, what she offered, if she even helped people…all I knew was that I wanted to work with her. 

I went up to her after and asked if she did Reiki. I only knew there were therapists and Reiki healers. I’d never heard of anything else. 

She said she coached women on conscious menstruation. Internally I cringed…yet something in me also knew that this may be helpful. I HATED my period. I wanted to have a hysterectomy after kids. I was currently bleeding in this conversation…I’d taken about 14+ ibuprofen that day.

I had a consultation call with her and the cost would be $80/session, weekly, for 3 months. Almost $1,000 total. I remember thinking how much of a stretch that would be. Wondering if I could afford it. Meanwhile I was working at Bank of America, making a solid salary. It wasn’t the dollar amount. It was the mindset. It’s funny how investing into hair to make me look a certain way was palatable. Or nails. Or anything external that may give me slightly more validation in society. But investing into my inner landscape? I’d never heard of that. This was one of the first times I really started to think…

I’m worth investing into. I’m worth changing this relationship to my womb. It’s worth it to make this leap. Everything in me knew I needed to work with this woman. After a call with her, sharing how intense my cycles were, I knew that working with her would change my periods, but also my relationship to feeling in my body. I learned cycle tracking, energetics applied to the world around me, the power of the womb, the power of my blood. How to be in the feminine. I learned about masculine and feminine energy, as it existed inside me. I stopped smoking cannabis every day…for the first time in 5 years of constant marijuana use. I still smoked sometimes, but I’d never taken a break…until that container. I learned that I actually desired to live in my body: not disassociated from it. I learned consent with my body. I learned how to LISTEN to my body…for the first time ever. I learned it was okay to listen to my body over the voices of others. Over the pre-made plans I had. Over…everything. I learned the trauma of my ancestors is stored in my womb space. And…I released. I let go of trauma, I let go of control. I came home to my body in a way I didn’t know was possible. My entire sense of reality changed and transformed. CHAPTER 2: Journeying to Plant Medicines Over the next few years, I explored plant medicine ceremonies and they weren’t what I thought they’d be. I went to my first plant medicine ceremony, sitting with San Pedro. It was held in a decommissioned church, with stained glass windows. The irony of beginning my journey in church was not lost on me as I entered this space. I was told it was kind of like the plant medicine version of MDMA…news flash: it’s NOT. I go in head held high, thinking I've already experienced ego death. I’ve died a million times on psychedelics. I’ve seen past lives on LSD. Felt myself decompose on mushrooms. Surely it can’t be that bad? This was the night I realized there are many many things worse than death. Yet, this was the most beautiful night of my life. I felt all of my ancestors' trauma, from their perspective. Physically. In my body. The slap of a man angry with my great grandmother, cracking against her/my cheek. The hit of a punch, from my hands, against the ones I claimed to love. I became the victim. I became the perpetrator. I felt the entire cycle in my lineage repeat over and over like an old song, an old dance. I felt the childhood sexual abuse I experienced…in this life…from the perspective of the boy I thought was a perpetrator…who was actually trying to find connection, curiosity, discovery. It didn’t negate that what I experienced still felt like abuse. It did provide a different perspective that I had never considered. In the ceremony, I writhed on my chair. Puked in a bucket. Couldn’t stay upright from the pain in my back, in my tailbone, in the root. It felt like my root chakra shattered as it tried to find the pieces, to put itself back together again. The water prayer came. I cried the tears of all those before who never had the chance to cry. I cried the tears my 12 year inner child vowed to never cry again. It all broke through. The sun was rising, a light beam of the rising sun shined through the stained glass window. I felt my grandmother's Spirit, who made stained glass shine through. It felt as though she went right to the fire… Yet from the fire, a little girls face came to me, grabbed my cheeks in my minds eye, and said “You broke the cycle for me Mama” I wept. Tears and tears and tears flowed from me. The most beautiful night of my life. The most difficult night of my life. All wrapped together. It was all worth it. For this future baby. For my inner child. For whoever this little spirit is. It was worth it. The shaman says, what you heal for yourself, you heal for your family. So I chose to believe him. From this day forward, my brother Dustin, who’d often been know for outbursts of rage…never yelled at my mom again. I went to Ayahuasca, humbled, a little afraid, and on edge. The last ceremony with San Pedro did not go how I anticipated it going. As the medicine came on, I already felt my body adjusting in a more peaceful way. This time, the loving spirit of Mama Aya…led to me love my mom in a new way. I was able to feel her trauma, see her pain, witness her struggles. I had so much more compassion for her. I felt the parts of my body I despised being the thing that ancestors' partners loved most about them. I ended up feeling bliss, ecstasy, the Ananda state of consciousness. Hape was served and it blasted me into intensity beyond what I thought was possible. The Aya kicked in much stronger, I purged in a bucket as pain radiated in my face. From the altar, Jesus walked to me. I felt INFURIATED. I had denounced him. He wasn’t supposed to exist. Remember… I didn’t believe in him… that was the WHOLE point of the kundalini awakening…or was it?

I met him in Ayahuasca as Yeshua, he came to me with Mary Magdalene. When I finally felt his presence, my body relaxed. I softened. I remembered the few moments growing up in church where it felt like…maybe there was a spiritual connection. I knew this guide. He knew me. And he wasn’t anything like he white Jesus that I’d been told he was. He encouraged me to follow the path of sexual liberation that I’d been wondering about. The path that many years later, I now teach others. This opened me to the idea of tantra, gnosticism, and what later informed my yearning to understand sexuality as sacred. To understand different perspectives of Yeshua, that felt more aligned to this version I met. What plant medicines gave me more than anything was the power of structure. Every ceremony follows a structure. There are rituals, done in particular ways, at particular times. There are boundaries, rules, diets…all made in intention to be followed.

It showed me that when there is structure, discipline, and boundaries: Deep transformation can happen CHAPTER 3: Seeking Devotion and Discipline Around this similar timeframe, I chose to become certified in Reiki 2, upleveling to offer it to others. I became obsessed with ritual baths as the main modality for regulating my nervous system.

The medicine world, my friends, community, had a lit a fire for me to have structure, discipline, and devotion. Eric and I began to occasionally explore Tantric ceremonies, reading tantric books, and discovering how to make our sex life more sacred. I contemplated non-monogamy and explored my sexuality…for a very short period of time. I tried to have daily practices everyday. It was on and off. Meditation was a challenge. Altered states are easy with cannabis. I could meditate easily and explore the cosmos with cannabis. Online courses by Lacy Phillips and Joe Dispenza gave me much needed structure. Friendships and community anchored me in practices, simply through having others to discuss it with. To share what was coming up. To process. Yet…my body was often in some type of pain. Physical practices were often avoided. I would go back and forth, occasionally doing practices, going into survival mode, like a pendulum swinging around. I’d do yoga with Adrienne sometimes. Worked out with Eric once a week for a bit. I would dip my toes in to Abyanga I’d have consistency and discipline…then I’d lose it. I wanted consistency and discipline. I wanted to be embodied. I wanted a nervous system that doesn’t freak out so easily. I desired feeling grounded… And yet… consistency and discipline make my skin crawl. I didn’t have a healthy relationship with either consistency or discipline. Consistency feels like something only people better than me have. Ones who aren’t as traumatized. Ones who have their lives together. Discipline reminds me of religion, a punishing God, and a perfectionism until I feel the need to perform just to survive. I continued to explore boundaries and boundlessness. Through relationships. Through substances. Through practices. Through food. Sacred Feminine Mysteries was an online program with my mentor that RADICALLY changed my RELATIONSHIP to discipline and consistency.

My relationship to discipline and consistency finally felt safe, yummy, and desirable. CHAPTER 4: Walking Between Worlds to Discover Embodiment: As Above, So Below

2020 came and my brother Dustin got in a wedding accident, leaving him in a coma for 3 months. He was considered a medical miracle, barely pulling through with a severe brain injury, 27 other injuries, and becoming quadriplegic. I learned to walk between realms to contact him through this. We met in the astrals, not from an ego level, but from a soul level. I discovered the initiations through this relationship have been BEYOND what I could have ever imagined. 

Never had I been more grateful that I'd healed with him through medicine ceremonies.

Never have I been more initiated to walk between worlds than when he lived between them, and it was my role to meet him there.

My biggest initiation into the path of the priestess was through his accident.

There is a time to be ungrounded, to walk in between dimensions.

Then there is a time to bring the wisdom discovered in these dimensions, the wisdom discovered through ritual and ceremony, into the embodiment of Earth.

As above, so below. 

My initiation into the Sacred Feminine Mysteries came next, giving me the framework for deep sexual healing.

It gave me the practice of Kundalini.

Providing me some bones to maybe one day find deep structure with.

It gave me more practices, more rituals, and a disciplined structure within community to really show up to healing.

During this, I found hot yoga, Rolfing, and kambo outside of the sacred sexuality practices such as womb massage, yoni gazing, kundalini, and breath work.

This portal became the journey that started to shape embodiment. Integration. 

I didn't know it then, but if I hadn't had that...I think I would have had a mental breakdown after I did BUFO.  The Bufo experience was one where I really learned to walk in two world. I died and became everything. I knew when I hit the pipe, I was going to die and I was ready for it. It was swift, it was sweet, there was no sense of self. Endless white light. Then I dropped through time and space form oneness to duality. I became the sacred feminine. I became the frequency of orgasm. The frequency of bliss. While I witnessed the shadows of the abused feminine. The dying feminine. I knew that for greater healing to come to these women, it is our role to anchor this bliss. To follow devotion. To live a life with support, with bones, to hold this deep medicine. To anchor this as a real, as possible, to hold the polarity. To create the larger, more magnetic charge. 

The integration was more challenging than any other medicine in my life. Reactivations happened all the time. I could trip just breathing in the grocery store, tiles moving on the floor. Paranoia was at an all time high. And cannabis? No longer a friend. Sobriety hit hard and deep. Devotional practices were 2-5 hours per day. Restorative yoga was where I discovered how to access slowness in the body and feel safe with it. How to explore micro-movements for trauma healing. 

As above, so below had never been truer than this experience. I was regularly going into altered states (without medicine) and then re-discovering embodiment. Energetics took on a whole new meaning. 

And yet... I birthed my business here.

I took the energy I'd explored and began to anchor through lived, breathing, service for others. Offering Reiki, cacao circles, and a Women's Red Tent. 

After 9 months of still feeling like I was experiencing residual Bufo reactivations, I knew I needed deeper help and support. I flew to the east coast to stay with the sisters who had been with me since my first San Pedro ceremony. These women were the fresh air of remembrance of who I am. I went to also see my mentor and received Venusian Bodywork (check out my blog for a poem on this), whereby I received over 3 hours of deep somatic, sensual bodywork, to unlock my Eros and ground my aliveness into my body. It was an out of body experience, anchoring into the body experience, of true homecoming. This is where I felt the last pieces of integration land. Into my cells, into my embodiment. The final puzzle piece, after 9 months of devotion. 

It is from this journey that I have chosen to birth Afterglow. If you’re reading this before Jun 28, 2026, I encourage you to go ahead and sign up for Afterglow… Afterglow is the program for the women who have big awakenings, and need deep structure and grounding. It’s the program for the women who are aimlessly drifting, waiting for the next thing to shock their system into action, but who could elevate the structure of their life. It’s the program for the women who are ready to live bigger dreams, hold bigger responsibility, and follow the structure of their life to do that. Visit my self-paced programs if you’re seeing this after July 30, 2026.